Epiphanies

Life has been a bit tough lately. Certainly I'm not alone in this but as a writer if I'm too down, stressed, anxious to write, well that is a bad thing, no? I've been running myself ragged trying to satisfy demands of home, work, family, friends and all those responsibilities that I, as the girl who can't say no, am overwhelmed with. I had a very late night last night (and as Danny Glover announces repeatedly in the Lethal Weapon films - I'm too old for this shit) and didn't get enough sleep. In instances like that I normally wake up grouchy, exhausted and stressed before the day begins. But a funny thing happened on the way to my grumpy Friday ..... I woke up ..... HAPPY.

In fact I woke up raring to go. Excited to get my day underway and see what I could see. Whatever could have happened while I slept? Apparently I had one of those nighttime epiphenies you've heard tell of. Never heard tell of them? Oh, I thought it was just me. Anyway. I had one. Like a dream, I don't know what it was, but hey, it can't be bad if I wake up with a renewed sense of energy, optimism and enthusiasm, right? RIGHT!

So when I got underway today I made some decisions. I decided not to rush. I decided I would take a deep breath whenever I got the urge to get angry and snarl or growl at the slow people, the cell-phone fanatics, the huddled masses of shoppers and commuters blocking the sidewalk, the escalator hogs who jump to the head of the line. I decided to smile at people. I always say please and thank you, but I decided to say it with feeling and a smile. I decided to indulge my creative, enthusiastic, immature self and bought construction paper and crayons and pretty notebooks from the pre-teen back to school section at KMart and now have lovely notebooks with pretty horses pictured on them, a 96 color selection box of Crayola crayons and some horsey folders to keep my soon-to-be-created drawings in.

I decided I was going to stop obsessing about the bad and focus on the good. Breathe a little deeper, smile a little more, be nicer, embrace youthful energy, stop worrying so much and live a kinder, gentler life. Being kinder and gentler to myself, I mean. I'm going to stop feeling guilty because I can't be all things to all people, can't finish every task in one day, can't always be happy or smart or kind and productive. I'm going to give myself the freedom to relax and let it "be" every once in a while. To forgive myself for being imperfect. To sometimes just be lazy and laid-back and do something with no value, for no reason, like sit and stare at the sky and watch the clouds roll by.

And you know what? When I decided to do this .... when I focused on being unfocused .... all of a sudden, the creative juices started flowing. Ideas, thoughts, words, images .... without having to fight their way through the morass of expectations, anticipations, responsibilities, chores, burdens and cares and woes ... came pouring forth.

And in this vein, I'm going to burst forth myself, into my day, into my future, embracing my creative side, my playful side, my gentle side, my lazy side, my whimsical side, and my loving side.

Hey, I've got a great idea! Why don't you give it a shot? Try an experiment, something new. Something that makes you feel good, instead of bad. Happy instead of sad. Relaxed instead of stressed. Fulfilled instead of frustrated.

And toward that end, here are some ideas you might want to try:

Pursue a good time
Laugh out loud
Compliment a stranger
Don't rush
Hunt for miracles
Forgive a hurt
Strive
Enjoy a creative moment
Live with wonder
Learn something new
Embrace yourself
Believe in goodness
Do something nice without telling anyone
Give a gift of love
Be brave
Recycle - give the Earth a hug
Take a nap
Remember your dreams
Think young
Breathe deeply
Look up
Smile at a child
Feel good
Relish beauty
Indulge yourself
Risk
Make a happy list
Find out something
Explore
Read a poem
Help someone
Let your silly side out
Release guilt
Twirl around
Dance
Skip
Stroll
Walk barefoot
Play like a kid
Pretend
Do the right thing
Banish anger
Eat something delicious
Draw a picture
Sing a song
Relax
Stand still
Discover hope